His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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