How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
