Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
