Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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