Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
