It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
