Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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