Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
