Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
