Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
