My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
