Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
