It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
