Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i was born a porn star she said
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
