im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
