You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
