im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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