"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
