GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
