There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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