White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
