Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
