I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
