I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
