Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
