I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
This baby is an asshole
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
