the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
