Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
wanna go halves on a baby?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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