first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
