What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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