dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
this is an emotional support booty call
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
