Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
