she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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