I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
