my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
