So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
