i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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