Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
