We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
