i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
