Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
my shit smells like andre
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
