you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Actions speak louder than pants.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
