i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
