I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
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