I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
