The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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