he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
