I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
