dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Randomize
