you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
zippers are such a cool invention
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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