if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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