This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
