we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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