how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
